“A true friend will tell you the truth to your face – not behind your back.”
– Sasha Azevedo
Imagine knowing someone for years – and slowly realizing that everyone else they know has a major flaw. A flaw they have informed you about. It slowly starts to click that every single person this friend knows is a loser. I am sure you know someone who talks about others behind their back. Telling everyone they talk to, about the negative aspects of everyone else they know. These people can’t help themselves.
I have people like this in my circle. I can’t help but think “So… What is it this person has to say to others about me?” Let’s be honest, they’ve got to have something negative to say about you if they do about everyone else they know.
You can’t be the only squeaky clean person in the wide array of people they know. It’s just not possible. You know you’re not perfect, so this person obviously doesn’t think so either.
Here’s my suggestion. Pull up your pants, take a deep breath and ask these people, right to their face “I noticed that you have something to say about almost everyone you know. I’d really like to know what you say to others about me. I’d like to know so I can make myself a better person from it.”
If the person has any balls, they’ll tell you exactly what they say. It’s more likely they’ll hide behind a veiled kindness and say that they don’t really say anything about it. They could go so far as to do a weird compliment where they’ll say “oh This person’s biggest weakness is being a perfectionist.”
Whichever way your question is answered, you’ve learned something valuable.
“Remember if people talk behind your back, it only means you’re two steps ahead!”
– Fannie Flagg
You either find out exactly what others think about you or you at least let this negative coward know that you know they’re talking about you behind your back. you have to believe
I’ve done this with exactly 2 people. Sadly, the person I thought would have the integrity, to be honest with me couldn’t even do it. It’s hard to point out someone’s faults to their face. As it should be. I don’t want to hear someone else’s opinion of me unless I actually care about that person’s opinion. It shouldn’t be easy to tell someone what you think of them. It takes more integrity to keep your mouth shut and not badmouth someone behind their back OR to their face unless they’ve requested it.